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Ghosted by our Au Pair Candidate — was it something we did?

“Dear Au Pair Mom–

We are a new prospective HF looking for an au pair for the first time. We are targeting mostly Europeans and our main criteria is good driving. We’ve had interviews with a few candidates.

We were close to matching (or so we thought) with a candidate from Germany who said all along she was very interested in our family. But after 3 interviews and a match offer, she ghosted us. She wouldn’t say no to the match, but wouldn’t answer either. Ultimately, she matched with another family and we were disappointed that she didn’t communicate clearly with us that she was not interested. She didn’t even bother to tell us in the end (we found out through the agency site).

My question is: are we doing anything wrong?

Are we not “aggressive” enough in our interview process?

Our approach is that we want the person to want to be with us, so we are not overly pushy or eager. Does location matter (we’re in Portland, OR)? More importantly, how can we ensure candidates are straightforward? Is it common for candidates to ignore emails? What do you do when that happens?

We’re family of 4 with two working parents and young boys (2 and 4) in preschool full-time, if that helps. The au pair would have a lot of time during the day and most of her weekends.
Any advice on how to find our match?”


Dear Potential Host Parent —

You might consider yourself lucky. Candidates tell you a lot about the kinds of au pairs they will be by the ways they handle themselves during the interviewing and matching process. A candidate who can’t be bothered to reply to your emails — especially after you’ve had interviews with them — is the kind of candidate who won’t respond to your concerns about how the kids are cared for, either.

But yes, it is a complete drag to go to all that work and even to get your hopes up, only to have the candidate swan off to another family without so much as a goodbye. Take heart, though, there are (still) great candidates out there, ones who’ll be excited by your family’s situation and who’ll feel like a good fit. Now, too, you know you want an au pair who’ll respect your time and your effort– so look for clues of that attitude when you talk with the next candidate(s).

Parents and Au Pairs — what would you recommend to this family??

Source: Visit

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